Originally published June 5, 2012
Today I got up at 4:10 in the morning. Holly Golightly (my dog) awoke from a deep and peaceful sleep and decided to wake me up – just in case I wanted to take her outside. I swear she does this on purpose – I can almost hear her giggling while she runs down the hall ahead of me on her way to the sun room. By the time I stumble to the patio door, she is all excited and jumping up and down – as if to say “C’mon, hurry or I swear I’ll start barking at the top of my lungs!”
Next, Holly patrols the backyard – looking for the right spot to pee. You see, she is very fussy where she pees – the area has to be the greenest and most plush area of grass in the backyard. As I start to lose my patience, I begin calling to her in a loud whisper – “Holly! Go potty right now!” But she just stops her sniffing and begins staring at me – as if to say “keep it up and I’ll just take longer – it’s your choice.”
The next thing in this nightly ritual is me walking out onto the patio – in my boxer shorts – and immediately noticing how hard it’s raining. I start clapping my hands at Holly and she responds by running at me – full speed – narrowly missing me and heading for the other side of the backyard. Oh great! She thinks that I want to play “Hide ‘n Seek” with her. As I start to chase after her, barefoot across the lawn, I suddenly hit a patch of what feels like yogurt. But why would there be yogurt in my backyard? My mind began racing – hoping that if it wasn’t yogurt, it might be pudding. Yes Sherlock, you incredible detective, it was indeed “Ka-Ka!“.
Have you ever tried to remove “Ka-Ka” from your bare feet – without the use of paper towels or other suitable cleaning aids? And all of the while, your dog is running around you at about 100 miles per hour! I start “skating” my foot along the wet grass and just as it appears that I am getting most of it off – my other foot suddenly slides into another patch of “Ka-Ka“. I started to scream – which is probably the point that my next-door neighbour turned on his outside light to investigate the commotion.
“Danny, is that you?” he shouted from his back deck. “Is everything okay?”
“Heck yes, Bob – I’m just out here with Holly – looking for dew worms. Thought that I might go fishing today” (I haven’t fished in over 40 years but how else do you explain being outside at 4:15 in the morning?)
“Mind if I tag along?” he asked. “I got a brand new rod and reel for Xmas, and I’m dying to try it out! Maybe we can bring our dogs along (he has a Cocker Spaniel named Spencer).
It was at the point, just after I dropped to the ground – almost in tears – that I noticed that I was sitting on what felt a lot like yogurt…..