Originally published January 31, 2012
Have you ever wondered what makes a person a perfect kisser?
Whether you are single, married, straight, gay, or how much you love your current partner – everyone remembers a ‘perfect’ kiss. And they’ll never forget from whom.
But have you ever given any thought on how that person became a perfect kisser?
It’s not like they taught kissing in health class at school. And I’m sure that while the kisses that you shared with your parents were loving – they weren’t of the “hot and passionate” variety.
We can also dismiss any practice sessions with your sister or brother (OMG! – sick or what?) or the family pet – even though it was cute and cuddly.
No, to become a good kisser, you had to practice by yourself.
I’m not sure how you may have practiced kissing, but I think that most people probably ‘learn’ with either a doll from their sister’s room or a pillow.
It is important not to rush into the act of kissing a doll or pillow because first, you had to play a bit of make-believe – also known as ‘foreplay.’ You know, when you sit around talking about stupid things and then holding hands and maybe even dancing or something.
FAST FORWARD: You’re finally in the house alone – slow-dancing with your bedroom pillow to a Connie Francis song playing on the radio (AM station, of course).
Suddenly, you stop – pull away from the pillow – and lovingly stare for a couple of seconds (known as beats in the actor’s world) – and then fumble in your pocket for a favorite alley or marble (you don’t own a ring or any jewelry for that matter).
You take one step forward, pause again for effect, and ask the pillow if she wants ‘to go steady?’
You then answer by barely moving your lips, “Sure, Danny, I would love to go steady with you!”
You begin to smile and then slowly – ever so slowly, inch toward the pillow. You tilt your head, so you don’t poke her in the eye with your nose; close your eyes, and then kiss.
Be sure to kiss her tenderly at first and then, kiss her firmly – while humming like you do when you’re eating dessert or some favorite candy.
It’s not clear how long your parents had been standing in the hallway – staring at you. You suddenly notice them while you’re licking the neck of the pillow.
Maybe, it was the volume on the radio, and you couldn’t hear them sneaking into the house. Perhaps it’s just that parents are always sneaking up on you when you’re doing private stuff. And the worst thing is that your tiny brain doesn’t work fast enough to come up with an explanation.
So, I can’t tell you how people become perfect kissers. But I’m sure that they must have spent a lot of their childhood alone, with a favorite pillow!
I wonder if anyone ever considered me as a perfect kisser?