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I didn’t miss Mother’s Day last week but I did miss my Ma.

She died six hours after I called her to tell her I was coming to visit her.  And although that was September 26, 2010, my heart still aches.

It had been almost a year since my cancer treatments and I was finally well enough to travel to Ontario to see her.

I hadn’t told her or my brothers and sisters that I had cancer because Ma had a bad heart and the news would have killed her.  And I couldn’t trust my siblings to keep my illness a secret.

Besides, I was only given a forty percent chance of surviving.

But a very selfish part of me wanted the familiar hug she used to give me when I was hurt or hurting.  Her hug was also accompanied by words of encouragement.

I wish I didn’t live so far away from my hometown because I would be visiting her grave every week.

So many regrets.

But a few years ago, my cousin Patty, sent me some photos that included one of Ma that I had never seen before.

I’ve only seen pictures of my mom when she was married to my dad.  In fact, it was their wedding photo – hanging on their bedroom wall that I remember.  They both seemed to be so young.

I sent a PDF copy of Ma’s picture to my buddy Court Brooker.

I’ve known Court for thirty years and I remember meeting his mom at his fiftieth birthday in Winnipeg many years ago (Court is a year older than me).

Court, converted the PDF file to a JPEG file for me and removed most of the scratches and spots.  When he sent it back to me, I was thrilled.  Nobody understands computers or photography like my buddy Court, and I love him like a brother.

Here’s my Ma – when she was a single gal.

Moms are like children.  You always believe that your mom is the most beautiful and loving mom on the planet.

A few months after my cancer treatments had ended in 2010, I found a poem about Mothers online.

I wrote a letter to my Ma and told her that although I didn’t write the poem myself, it captured how I felt about her.  I remember her calling me when she got my letter in the mail and she told me that it had made her cry (tears of joy).

So, although my dear mom is no longer here – maybe, you are fortunate enough to still have yours.

If so, why not send her a handwritten note with the following poem:

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking ~ Author unknown

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator and I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I saw you feed a stray cat and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I knew that little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I heard you say a prayer and I believed that there was a God to talk to.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I felt you kiss me goodnight and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt but it’s alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking… And I wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.


Dedicated to my Ma and yours,




Today’s tune from Danny’s library (purchased):


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About Post Author

Daniel (Danny) St. Andrews

An almost famous Film, Television & Stage Actor (as in almost pregnant) living in Vancouver, BC His other passions include cancer patient advocate (he had stage 3 throat cancer), walking with the Vancouver 'Venturers Walking Club, and of course, spoiling his dog, Holly Golightly. If you like the stuff he writes about - please leave a hug (or a comment).
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2 thoughts on “Mother’s Day

  1. My Momma, like yours, was so beautiful inside and out. Mothers Day was a difficult day for me as well. My child does not relate to me the way I did with my Mom. Even when I lived across the country I spoke with her every few days. We were just so close. I have grown to have to accept that my relationship with my child is not going to be the same as the one I had with my Mom. Nor will it ever be with anyone. That was a special relationship that was entrusted to me by God and I cherished it. I was unable to visit her grave in Ontario like my sister but I honored her by finding a Mother’s Day tea (she loved tea) and I enjoyed tea and a few treats in her honor. I bought a ticket for the Mother’s Day Tea fundraiser raffle and I won a Tea Pot with flowers in it. I think someone was watching me that day too. 🙂 Your article brought another tear to my eye. Like you, I miss my Momma bear. Later on I also had more tea with ginger cookies. I have only shared a few. I will share again when my sister comes to visit in 2 weeks. Hope you and Holly are well.

    1. Sue, I have received a number of emails from readers with stories about their Mom. The pain of a broken heart does not come close to the pain of losing a Mom and there isn’t a day that we don’t think about them. And it’s okay to cry when our hearts get heavy with regrets. Hugs, Danny

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